New Year 2008

My h/p start buzzing after midnight (purposedly set the mode to vibrate).Text from friends old and new just to say hi and happy new year.It's good to know that you're still in some people's heart eventhough msg that u received could probably shared by few other people.It's amazing how technology can assist you in conveying your thought to other people. In the old days, you probably remember somebody on certain days or occasion but it's to took too much hassle to just let them know that they were remembered. But see, now, you can just SMS them , not just one to one but one to many.For me, i will personally reply any sms i received eventhough it's just a general SMS shared by many other people.At least, to know that i'm worth to be listed in their thought is good enough for me.out of 1 sms that i sent out to 20 friends, i got reply from 18 of them.hmmm...at least only 2 of them may be too busy to reply or never open their inbox or probably treat a general SMS like that as thrash? well guys , the truth is, if i have hundreds of numbers in my address book,to include you in the list of top 20 means you are good enough to be remembered....:)

To my cubicle mate, Wei Ling, were u still sober when you sent me SMS to wish me Happy new year at 3.37 am? It woke me up, felt bizarre and confuse.... Haha..or you're just too drunk to remember?

Today...a strange feeling come to me...a sudden thought, a common fact that never been thought in deep before.Love is like life.... too precious ..and should be given only to those who can appreciate it..*sighs*...

So new year come again.. time fly very fast.alamak malasnya nak tulis.... okay la ...HAPPY NEW YEAR untuk sume....

Fun for the kids

Kids movie treat

This month we went to Alvin and the chipmunks.the storyline was ok and kids like it. But as a conservative mum, I was not favour of the gesture and costume of the dancers in the movie. Kind of offensive la... tak senonoh betul.dah le masa preview sebelum movie tu preview citer redline yang penuh ngan aksi2 tak senonoh. Diorang ni kadang-kadang tak sensible betul. hehe... membebel sket....

Bukit merah at last

This is the second time we went to bukit merah. The first time somewhere in June (cannot really recall) , that time we spent overnight there. But this time it's just a short trip for the kids to the water park.


malas la nak citer lebih2 pasal bukit merah ni but for those who never been there and wish to know what they have there, feel free to visit their website at : www.bukitmerahresort.com.my ... ni dah kira iklan free untuk diorang ni... boleh dapat diskaun tak next time?

Aidiladha 1428

20/ 12/07 to 25/12/07

Hmmm at last a week off from work and internet…This year we celebrated aidiladha at my hometown , Chabang Empat Tumpat, Kelantan.The original plan to go back home to deen’s hometown in KK has been call off till …maybe march during the school holiday… no final decision yet.



'Berkubang' session at Pantai Sri Tujuh. The Kids sure loved it....:) But after the session , Ain vomitted badly, most probably because she tertelan air yang kotor tu.But the doctor said if that's the cause she should have diarrhea too, which she did not.Luckily she recovered after a day.I was scolded by Deen for letting the kids play in the muddy and dirty water during his absence...haha..2 hari je tu...kalau lama lagi mahu berkurap semua anak2 aku ni.Excitement like this cannot be understand by my hubby who spent his whole life as a town boy.Orang bandar ni mana paham betapa syoknya benda2 cam ni...asyik mandi dalam swimming pool je mana ada thrill...Kecik2 dulu aku siap mandi dalam parit lagi...

This year i lost one dear auntie. She passed away at the age of 82 on 24/12/07, after Maghrib prayer. Al-Fatihah to her, May her soul rest in peace.



This is my bestfriend, Wan Azura, since the schooldays.We have been closed since form 1 in 1987. A chance to meet her and her family will be cherished forever. I still can remember the good times together, where we used to spend holidays dan weekends together during our university days. Sometimes, i went to UUM over the weekend, which always started on friday.... :) always ponteng friday class....hahaha.., and used to go to her account class.There was one time when the lecturer ask me and i just nganga...sib baik dia tak cam aku ni bukan student dia..apa taknya, kat dalam lecturer hall tu duduk depan sekali...then there was a time when she came to penang to meet me but she met with an accident. Ju... really sorry for that...Nasib baik calar je... kalau tidak nyesal tak sudah...kena langgar bas kilang lagi tu...ni kes nak mengejar aku yang memecut ngan motor kapcai aku tu le...We kept the secret to ourselves till now....sampai tuan motor yang dia pinjam pun tak tau motor dia kena accident hehehe...kami suh drebar bas tu repair motor tu sampai x de kesan...your mum know about it or not? :) ...

I was there to witness her first puppy love with an upper six student when we were in Form 1...so early...:). We were very much different, infact totally different. She was so friendly and easygoing while i'm a bit quiet and low profile.She , had long list of boyfriends during the school days while i never have any.Somehow above all the difference , we become closer each day.May be because i could talk as mush as she could....

Unfortunately hubby forgot to bring his sony handycam, so the picture was taken using my lousy razr v3x, which under low light could be worse than any other hp camera, eventhough it is 2.0 mpx.This is the best i can get out of the picture , hehe... i'm not good in using adobe photoshop and adobe image ready, so what i did was just put some auto contrast and lighting.Well... at least it's better than worse

A Short Interlude

A month ago, one thing triggers all those memories from the pass years. A short interlude, if i fail to tackle it delicately, would probably ruin my whole life time. No matter how old you are or how long you have been living in this world, it’s not easy if you have to handle untamed heart. A part of you know that you should really let go, while a part of you still cling to the memories, reluctant to just leave everything as a history. The fact is, the distance between happiness and torment is just a blink of the eye.

If hatred will erase all good memories of the past and forgiveness will make my heart fond of the good old times and drift my life into vain, then I will choose hatred rather than forgiveness.

Somehow this intermission in some way brings goodness to my life.It reminds me of how lucky i'm to have such a happy family, a great husband an a blessed kids. I should be grateful.Alhamdulillah.

It's about time to really let go...completely.

Finding Zest

My work life has been very dull lately. No more excitement and enthusiasm. Just routine. On the way back from Penang to Kelantan, I’ve vowed to Deen that I’m going to find the zest in my work during the break. Am I success? Don’t know yet. Wait until tomorrow. Being a senior Engineer not only meant that I’m senior in term of experience, but senior in term of energy level too. My energy level has been alarmingly low lately. I started to see my job as a burden. Where gone all those days when I can’t wait to finish my weekend just because I’m too excited to finish what I left on Friday. Where were all those years when I was voted the top performer, best contributor?

Huarggghhhh…!!!! Sometime I feel I’m not supposed to be an engineer anymore. I’m too old to compete. Even too lazy to think. Aku rasa macam ultraman masa lampu isyarat dia dah bertukar menjadi merah.Kalau ultraman boleh balik ke matahari untuk recharge power dia, mana la aku nak pegi untuk recharge energy aku nih....nak pegi matahari pun jauh sangat...kang cair pulak nanti..

Hapiness is what is good today for tomorrow to remember? Will write about it some other time…

Another countdown

My yummy yummy tiramisu cake...It's quite hard to find a halal tiramisu cake as most of the time the ladyfinger is dipped in rum.Be careful when you select one...


"Minggu depan bday nor .." Said Deen a few days ago.So another countdown started.Before i met him birthday was nothing.Just known by a few close friends, a quiet eat out, normally a treat from friends.Sometime i even forgot my birthday. He, taught me that bday must be celebrated with cake (and candle).And if the birthday not fall on weekend , both of us have to take leave...just for the two-of-us date without the kids, normally for a movie. but dunno whether this year i can take leav e or not since my leave dah abis...nak simpan untuk raya haji lagi nih...rasanya x boleh ambik cuti kot.


what goes up never come down.A famous ridle that always cross my mind every year when the bday is approaching.Tahun ni dah 33.I'm old now...a secondary school student can call me makcik now.if i married at 15 or 14, and my daughter married at 18, most probably i will have grandchild already... hahaha...Tahun ni juga maknanya dah nak masuk 12 kali aku sambut bday dengan deen, since dec 1996.3 kali sebelum kawin dan 9 kali selepas kawin.



me in my work uniform at the age of 32....

Birthday , eventhough hardly celebrated before i met deen, always bring me certain memories back.Whether it's just a coincidence, something big normally happened a few days before or after the birthday.Dulu ada sorang kawan aku pun selalu kata macam tu, selalunya sebelum atau selepas bday mesti ada sesuatu jadi kat kita, something big to remember (It happened at that time , that i rejected him 6 days after his 20th bday...an old childhood story....hehe...where are you now? may hapiness always be with you).

15/12/1989 was actually 4 days after my 15th birthday.Its the most memorable date ever. The date that i always remember, no matter how many times i tried to erase it from my mind.It's just stay there, fresh and untouchable.It's the date when i laid my eyes on someone, which after that change my path of life forever.18 years had passed since then.Now we are a grown up.adult, with our own life.But the memories of all good years and togetherness will stick forever.May his life will be blessed forever and may hapiness will always be his.

I just wish i can be a good muslimah, mum, wife, daughter,daugther in law and human for my coming 33rd birthday.

Permata Buat Isteri

Petang tadi tiba-tiba lagu permata buat isteri nyanyian kumpulan kopratasa on air masa on the way back. Setiap kali dengar lagu tu Deen akan kata "Ni lagu abang untuk nor". Dari dulu masa mula-mula kawin sampai la sekarang dah dekat 9 tahun kami hidup bersama.Honestly i never bother about this lyric.Just now maybe the only time i really go deep into the song and try to understand it. It goes like this:

Permata Buat Isteri
(boleh dengar kat sini)

Telah ku siapkan
Satu daerah paling sunyi
Dalam hati ini untuk kau isi
Sebagai isteri

* :
Untuk kau penuhi dengan kemuliaan
Seorang wanita
Untuk kau beri erti dengan kelembutan
Untuk kau hargai dengan kasih sayang

Ku ingin kau jadi wanita mulia
Yang tahu harga budi dan hati
Seorang lelaki bernama suami

kerana engkau isteri
Ku ingin kau mengerti
Bahawa hidup ini
tak semudah yang kita janjikan
Yang kita janjikan
Kerana kau isteri ku

yourtube clip untuk lagu ni kat :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScIpWPTOQX8&feature=related#

Adakah aku mampu menjadi apa yang diharapkan pada seorang lelaki yang sanggup mencintai segala kekurangan dan kelemahanku? Seorang yang menjadi ubat dan penawar untuk hidupku yang lara dan jiwaku yang parah.Rasa macam nak tanya deen, antara semua perangai-perangai buruk aku selama ini yang manakah paling menyakitkan hati dia. Tapi suara rasa tak boleh nak keluar. tersangkut kat tekak je. Abang if you read this, please let me know.....
Semoga Allah merahmati ketulusan hati kita untuk terus bersama selama-lamanya.

An evening in Taiping

Bukit larut scenic view

Last sunday we spent a day in Taiping. The original plan should be bring the girls to bukit merah water park but since cha was not so well, we changed it to Taiping Zoo.After all the kids would like it no matter how many time we went there.There was an unfullfill dream that i always keep everytime we went to Taiping, i want to go uphill to maxwell hill. so today, deen try to make it come true.Ha..ha.. there's one when time i cried (and deen always make joke out of that...:) ,just because the ticket was finished before we could buy it.




waiting for the jeep uphill.Everybody still excited...

The journey uphill was quite 'wavy', it took about 15 minutes , but felt like an hour...Tapi bila sampai kat atas...alamak.... tak de apa-apa la...even bunga tulip pun tak de sekarang. nak pegi tempat bunga tulip tu bukannya dekat...10 minutes walking uphill.Frust betul la... tu la...sometime what we expect is not what we get. Dah pukul 4 baru turun,semayang then masuk zoo for an hour je sebab pukul 6 dah tutup.



Alani waiting for the jeep downhill...sleepy eh?

Have you ever feel so emotionally loaded until any simple stupid thing can burst you out into tears? I did yesterday.Not sure why , but the journey like this always remind me to all those tormenting years. Where i used to take a bus ride , to anywhere i feel like going just because i was stressed.Taiping was among the places i used to go.Just think about how 'merananya' aku masa tu masih boleh menyebabkan aku menangis bila-bila masa.No matter how long the history has passed, i am still the same old me.

So yesterday bila sirap yang aku order tanpa ais datang bersama ais, i just burst out into tears.Stupid enough? Deen try even scoop out the ice into the glass to make me happy.But actually i'm not crying over the syrup.Aku cuma rasa hati aku ni macam nak pecah je, air mata rasa ada kat tepi mata. bila-bila je boleh terburai. I hate to be me... i hate that i'm still the same old me...

Mama's Bonus Treat

This year we have it at Damiral Grills for the first time.Normally we will turn to Victoria Station for a good steak... but since there're so many rumours about that restaurant nowaday, may be it's about time try something new...Restaurant ni org melayu punya...The price a lot more cheaper than VS.Eventhough the steak was not so tender (u have to cut it into small pieces before u can swallow it... haha), the sauce was not bad.Dinner for 4 just cost 94.42 (plus capuccino and tiramisu cake and ice cream for the girls).....less than half of the price if we have it at VS. Try to snap some picture but since my RAZR V3X performed poorly in the low light, this was only what we got.

Just now, before dinner i have a conversation with one old friend.It somehow bring me back to my old days, when my mind was in between. A part of me was eager to know what future would be while another part of me was still linger to the memories left behind.Lucky that i know, eventhough to lose someone was really hard, it's even harder if you refuse to let go.However some people just cannot let go...sebab tu ada antara kengkawan aku yang masih single hingga kini.For me ... no matter how painful the memories could be ... time would always heal the pain... and dry the rain...just give ourselves a second chance...It probably never be better, but at least just ...give a try...accept the destiny with your purest heart, hoping the happiness will be yours...life is just too short and we have to spend it wisely..

Ain Syazwani

Mama!!!...I'm big now.... Ain Syazwani 2 yrs 8 months


baby Syazwani


waei' as cha call her was born on 20-4-2005. When the delivery date approached, i really hope that her birthday would fall on the same day as maulidurrasul.Yet she was so anxious and arrived one day earlier on 11 Rabi'ulawal.The delivery pain was so short.I woke up at 5 am because of the frequent contraction.Sebab dah nak masuk subuh, me and Deen perform our subuh prayer first b4 send the kids to nursery.At about 6.15 we headed to the hospital.At time the pain was so unbearable.It's hard for deen to drive with me keep on pulling his hand as i really cannot stand the pain.Sampai kat hospital terus masuk labour room.My doctor came in short and spaggetti strap top...:). The problem was dont have energy to push.May be age was the factor, i was 30 yrs 5 mnths at that time. Deen keep on saying that this should be the same as the 2 previous one but i really know it's different. I keep on saying "It's different...it's different" to the doctor. When the doctor try to touch my stomach i event shouted at her. "Doctor...dont you ever touch my tummy ..." ( haha... i dont know that i cant still shouted in English eventhough that time macam dah tak berapa sedar dah...).So i have to be induced.....When the doctor hold the baby to me...she said... you know why it's different? it's 3.8 kg.With the pelvic like yours, your'e lucky it's the third baby.It not sure kena caesarean "

The name,Syazwani was my husband's choice....Honestly, i'm not that fond of this name...macam tak pernah terfikir ada anak nama syazwani, but since Deen like it, it does'nt really matter to me...It should only be Dayang Nur Syazwani.But I persuade deen to slot Ain in between as i really like syafiqa's name to be dayang nur ain syafiqa, i just dont want deen to be down , by altering the name he really like.Jadi nama baby yang garang ini ialah dayang nur Ain Syazwani bt Datu Mohd Rithauddeen.



Syazwani with her babysitter , Mama Ani and her family on her 1st birthday.

Syazwani berjalan exactly on her 1st bday. A bit later than kakak (10 months) and earlier than cha(14 months)

syazwani and baba when she was 1 yr plus.


She had a very severe constipation problem...haha... that's explain why muka dia garang sangat masa ni. Dia makan banyak sangat tapi tak besar-besar.Masa dalam perut je besar lepas tu kecut kat luar.



Ain and mama at Planetarium negara... tengok muka dia yang ketakutan , takut kena makan dengan dinasour. Among my kids, cuma dia saja yang besar dengan babysitter. Yang lain dari kecik lagi berdikari kat nurseri, dan belajar speaking dari kecik lagi.Dia ni tak reti cakap english, maklumlah tak pegi sekolah....:) so bila kami semua speaking dia akan berkata dalam loghat penang yang kiut sangat.... "Haaaahhhhh...apadiaaaa....?" bila suruh dia nyanyi lagu dia akan menyanyi " lagu..lagu...lagu...laguuuuuuu". kiut giler...(ye la aku kan mak dia ...mesti rasa kiut nyer...padahal kalau hangpa tengok biasa je...). sekarang ni umur dia 2 tahun 7 bulan. Next year dah masuk 3 tahun, maybe kena hantar dia pegi sekolah kot


Eh...where's syazwani?...mama, alani, cha and 8 months syazwani in mama's belly.


Burried alive in Langkawi 2006

The early years

This picture was captured in late 1997 , during our early years...The event took place in Shangrila Rasa Sayang in Batu Feringgi.This was among one of the first formal (indeed very formal) event I attended. Not familiar with all jargons in millitary protocol i could not help myself from giggling everytime we have to stop eating ( and chewing ...:)) when the music stop. I ended up feel like not eating at all as before i could finish 'operate' the chicken and put it in my mouth the music had stop and the waiter came to collect the 'empty' plate.Plus teh stupid joke that Deen keep on doing throughout the dinner to make me laugh and could not eat almost at all. At the end after the event we headed up for Nasi kandar.I brought along Aida and Aidahani together as two of Deen's friend did not have any partner.It's like a series of unsuccessfull match making... haha...both of you...still single hah?!

A few days after graduation



location: infront of USM museum.Before we return the graduation robe we took a chance to snap a few photos together.We looked so happy eventhough a 'deadly' thing happened on Deen's graduation day...Deen sure remember it clearly. To Abang, I'm so sorry for all those stupidness, stubornness and whatever ness that i did to you during our early years.Thank you for loving me the way i was.Thanks for staying in control to handle all those turbulance, and thanks for keep on staying next to me no matter how many times i asked you to leave....:). you are one in a million and i'm so lucky to have you beside me... and one more thing...sorry jugak sebab Nor abang abang kena kutuk ngan kengkawan sebab ada awek kurang ajar... just because i refused to called your name instead of 'kau' and keep on addressing myself as 'Aku'. Still remember? hahahaha...to kawan-kawan Deen yang pernah mengutuk aku dulu, dah lepas kawin ni aku tak de la kurang ajar cam tu lagi...kena la hormat kan...dah jadi husband.



The handsome guy in purple is mine...:) Picture dated in 1997



Deen and his friend in KCP just a week after our relationship 'officially' started. I know that this picture was taken specially for me...betul tak abang? admit it hahaha...control macho la tu...

3 Puteri di hati mama

Masa ini baru je pindah kat umah ni.Syazwani kecik lagi masa ni... dalam 3 4 bulan baru pindah ni...lupa plak bila gambar ni di ambik tapi rasanya dalam bulan 3 atau 4 tahun 2006.

Kids ...always come with responsibility..diorang ni walaupun pompuan nakalnya ..memang boleh tahan. kalau setakat gril tu , tak yah heran...sampai atas sekali pun boleh panjat.Bila dah besar-besar sikit macam kakak tahan la sikit. Yang amat memenatkan bila Deen x de kat umah, outstation.Paling lama masa dia pegi US 3 minggu last year....kalau seminggu tu boleh le survive walaupun penat giler.rasa ghaplah jingga la kata org png, sebab bebudak ni bukan nak dengar cakap aku.Macam nak terkeluar anak tekak tapi diorang cool je, Tapi kalau ngan baba , berdehem pun jadi dah.


so minggu ni aku nak menyiapkan mental aku untuk menghadapi minggu depan. Deen kena pegi Taiwan seminggu, so seminggu le maknanya aku berperang dengan diorang.Sib baik cuti sekolah, tak yah le nak menghantar ke 3 tempat yang berbeza. at least jadi dua tempat je la.



Gambar kat rumah.Since mama tak pakai tudung kena la censored kepala dia...:)



the girls and baba while waiting for the Bee Movie


Makcik-makcik tengah bersembang sambil makan sirih (Alani, 6, Cha , 3, syazwani 1)