Mama is sorry , she was cross

When it comes to expectation, sometimes we tend forget that we are humans , with limitation.With a great expectation, lie a great responsibility.The same things happened to me last 2 days, when suddenly i became mad when my eldest , Alani show me her last exam paper.

"How could you get 66% for your pendidikan Islam ?" I yelled at her, without even glance at the paper she was holding for me, try to ask me to look through it.

"You know when i was your age, nothing start with 6, not even 7 or 8. Everything must start with 9, do you understand... 90 and above..." She just nodded.During dinner she was so quiet, so i asked her whether she's sleepy? then at one time i saw her shedding her tears.

"Are you crying?"

" no i am not..." she try to force herself to look at me straight in my eye.There's no doubt that she was crying.

somehow, yesterday, when i picked her up from the nursery, i saw her running eagerly towards me.

"Mama!!!... i got no 2 in school..." she shouted happily.

"Are you sure it's no 2 and not 22 ?" I asked sarcastically. But sarcasism never work on kids...:). Then she hold me her record book.It's lucky for her that only the 5 papers (UPSR papers) were counted for the ranking, making way for that pendidikan islam paper to be dropped from the list.

Looking at her face when she was crying made me feel guilty.For baba , this girl is so brilliant, but for me she is just so so... why i should put so great expectation on her, putting so much burden on her small and fragile shoulder. I should be more lean to her, let her do it her way. After all pressure will never works well on kids.Teachers at nursery and her friends mum keep on saying that she is so brilliant and smart, may be it's about time for me myself to look at her with the same perspective.compare to her other friends who attend tuition class after school, i should know by myself that she's doing very well without any tuition.

last nite, she ask me...mama why are you angry? are you angry because i got 66% or because i got no 2. I'm sorry that i cannot get no 1, i promise to beat joshua down next exam ...." She said, Joshua is the boy who never fail to be the best since standard 1.And my Alani, so far never success to push him down ...hahaha...that's our mission actually, so Joshua... here we come....watch out!!

so i said to her: No... no 2 is good enough,but no 1 will be the best. Yupp... i'm slightly upset with that 66% marks...but you can try harder later..." she grinned and continue to play happily with her sisters.

So my dearest Nur Iman Alani, Mama wants to say that she is sorry she was cross and she promise she will never do it again, as long as you are good...hahaha...