a place called home

Home is where the heart belong to. so they said. a home is a place where we wanna be.a shelter from any unpleasure in life. Sometimes i just wonder, will a place called home to us will also be a home to our kids? And the home itself is it include us as a parent in it?.Do they treasure our presence or enjoy our absence?

this is the story i've read so many years back when i was not a mom yet but it always keep on dwelling in my mind now and then. So i dig the book and copy it here. its from the book: chicken soup for the mothers soul 2. here is the story:

The day i become mom

You cannot discover new ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore

The day i become a mom not the day my daughter was born, but seven years later. Up until that day,i have been too busy trying to survive my abusive marriage. I have spent all my energy trying to run a "perfect" home that would pass inspection each evening, and i didn't see that my baby girl has become a toddler.i'd tried endlessly to please someone who could never be pleasedand suddenly i realized that the years has slipped by and could never be recaptured.

Oh, i had done the normal "motherly" things, like making sure my daughter go to ballet and tap and gym lesson.I went to all of her recitals and school concerts, parent-teacher confrence and open houses-alone. I ran interference during my husband rages when something was spilled at the dinner table, telling her , "It will be okay , Honey, Daddy's not really mad at you," I did all i could to protect her from hearing then awful shouting and accusations after he returned home from a night of drinking.Finally i did the best thing i could do for my daughter and myself: I removed us from the home that wasnt really a home at all.

The day i become a mom was the day my daughter and i were sitting in our new home having a calm, quiet dinner just as i always wanted for her.We were talking about what she had done in school and suddenly her little hand knocked over the full glass of chocolate milk by her plate.As i watched the white tablecloth and freshly painted white wall become dark brown, i looked at her small face. It was filled with fear , knowing what the outcome of the event would have meant a week before in her father presence. When i saw the look on her face and looked down at the chocolate milk running down the wall i simply started laughing. I am sure she taught i was crazy, but then she must have realized that i was thinking " its good that your father is not here!". She started laughing with me , and we laughed until we cried. They were tears of joy and peace and were the first of many tears that we cried together.That was the day we knew that we were going to be okay.

Whenever either of us spills something, even now seventeen years later, she says " remember the day i spilled the chocolate milk?i knew that day that you had done the right thing for us , and i will never forget it"

That was the day i really become a mom. I discovered that being a mom isnt only going to ballet, and tap and gym recitals, and attending every school concerts and open house. It isnt keeping the spotless house and preparing perfect meals.It certainly isnt pretending things are normal when they are not. For me , being a mother started when i could laugh over a spilled milk.

bibikku lebih vogue dariku...

aku memang la tak berapa vogue.... tapi bibikku jauh lebih vogue dariku. memula dia datang rumahku dia pakai tudung cam makcik2... umur 41 tahun bibikku ni...lepas tu dalam umah dia tukar uniform keja dia ... oh mak engkau..pendeknya seluar dia..kalau takat seluar paras lutut cam bermuda tu aku still boleh tolerate ni mmg pendek aihhh...baju pulak baju adik bongsu.. kecik amat...aku fikir... ini sudah melampau...tapi memandangkan itu first day dia aku diamkan aje. esoknya aku sound dia...aku cakap nanti kalau jiran2 aku nampak dia jemur baju pakai cam ni juling pulak jiran2 ku tuh...walaupun dia memang x lawa(aku tak le kata dia x lawa depan dia). tapi body ok sebab kuat makan jamu...orang jawa..then aku bagi 4,5 lai seluar panjang aku kat dia. tapi bila nak bagi baju dia tak mau sebab dia kata baju aku semua besar2... ye la t-shirt aku mana ada t-shirt adik... semua t-shirt free size je ... weh.. vogue betul bibikku ni...

crochet days will soon be over

today is the 52th day of my confinement....waaaaa...time fly very fast. class my my 3rd semester of my msc has begun 3 weeks ago and the bad news i've just received last night is i have to register for my dissertation this semester. with 2 papers and the dissertation (plus the new baby alisha) most probably i will end up fail in my dissertation...huk..huk... but the good news is the viva is in june 2011... so i have about 10 months to work on dissertation if i want to grad on august 2011 together with my hubby and my doctor sister who's doing specialist in Patologist.

with bundle of assignment and thesis...no more time to crochet or knitting.But i will still try to steal sometime to update my blog thready yarn to those who order this and that...so solliii... i cannot fullfill the request. the cardigan that i knit just a few rows for my sweet third daughter also will be put on pending status...that little girl keep on reminding me when i m gonna finish her baju...

sambal belacan - versi bibikku

ni sambal belacan versi bibikku. mula2 dia sampai umah aku aku dah cakap aku tak pernah expect dia untuk masak sebab aku memang masak sendiri walaupun ada bibik. tapi agaknya oleh kerana nak menunjukkan skill dia dia telah membuat sambal belacan versinya( heheheh... tak baik la aku ni...). pada aku sambal belacan malaysia lagi besh...aku tengok cara bibik buat sambal.

bahan2
1. 10 biji cili padi masak
2. seinci belacan
3. sebiji tomato
4. 3 ulas bawang merah
5. sedikit garam

goreng semua benda2 diatas pastu tumbukla...sambal ni memang pekat sket.airnya dan rasa masamnya dari tomato je..hati2 masa menumbuk nanti terpercik masuk mata pulak sebab tomato tu berair.

sambal belacan versi 1

entrance ni aku tulis sebab my hubby suh tulis blog pasal sambal. 2 ,3 hari lepas aku ada buat sambal belacan then masa makan tu la my hubby cakap sambal tu sedap... ngeh, ngeh... then dia ckp bagus jugak kalau kita dapat compile pelbagai jenis sambal.

so ni aku nak share sambal belacan versi aku yang begitu mudah tapi sedap.

bahan2nya:
1. 5-10 biji cili padi
2. seinci belacan dibakar dulu
3. 2 biji cili kering , direbus atau rendam ngan air panas
4. 2 biji limau kasturi
5. sedikit garam dan gula

caranya:
belasah blend je semua tu dengan sedikit air masak. limau tu belah 2 pastu buang biji, blend sekali ngan kulit2 dia baru wangi dan sedap.

*** amaran!! org ada resdung jgn makan belacan

sick

today is the 46th day after the delivery and ive past my confinement period. bad headache and not so mild but not so heavy fever today. last night my baby woke up 6 times through out the night and i've to wake up to breastfeed with the heavy head. try to get some afternoon nap today but still fail...

When i was young i spent most of my life in hostel. everytime i got fever, my mother was the only person i need badly at my side. Even now, fever will bring most of my thought to my mother. and even its just a little fever, when we sick we normally think about death..in a sense , its good for us to be reminded.sometimes i just wonder, will somebody cry if i die? will i be remembered and thought in their pray?

there was 1 poem that started with " life is a mixture..." that keep lingering in my head today. life is a mixture of happiness, torment , sad , happy, laugh and tears. Whichever bigger portion determine the life we lead.

Plant Hospital

Normally when a plant is dying what i did is i cover the whole plant with a big plastic bag. Including the pot if the plant is small or only the top part ( the part with leave or where the leave should be). Give the plant 1 or 2 weeks and the new healthy shoot will grow. The purpose of cover it with plastic bag is to give the plant as much moisture to accelerate the new shoot growth.

Then i read in a book "ingenious gardening" by Deborah L. martin, another way to treat sick plant is by using a plastic soda bottle... you know, soft drink big plastic bottle. With a sharp knife , cut 2 liter plastic bottle into half. We will use the top part as the hospital. Put the top part over the sick plant. it will act like a mini terrarium for the plant.

plants in the drawer

we might have old wooden drawers to scrap. This wooden drawers can be use as a planter for our plant. Drill drainage holes in the bottom.We can also use the drawers for rooting cutting.The idea also fit for growing veggie.

Gunakan laci lama sebagai bekas menanam

Mungkin kat rumah kita ada laci lama ( paling elok laci kayu) daripada kabinet atau almari yang kita tak nak gunakan lagi. Daripada dibuang begitu sahaja kita boleh gunakan laci ini sebagai bekas untuk tanaman. tebuk lubang pada dasar laci untuk saliran.Kita juga oleh gunakan laci ni sebagai tapak semaian.

Plants in the drawers.

we might have old wooden drawers to scrap. This wooden drawers can be use as a planter for our plant. Drill drainage holes in the bottom.We can use the drawers for rooting cutting.