Open the heart

I always believe that time will always heal the pain. Sooner or later all the bitterness in life will fade over time.The only thing that i never know is how long? 10 years 20 years or forever? so i just wait and wait... for the time to wipe the pain away... but it never happen.

in the past recent years i was tested with the test that i always scare..i always afraid that it will happen in any point of my life... and it really happen. Thank You Allah, i am gratefull that i have passed it.When we are tested .. we become stronger..eventhough there are times when i woke up in the middle of the night, performed solah and ask my Creator to give me extra strength i neede to go through the test...to make me a better person and to forgive my ignorance. Though i never consider myself as religous( infact i am not at all...but still trying my best to be the obedient slave to my creator), i always come back to Him when i face any difficulties or obstacles in life( like most people do... remembering Allah during hard time only..:( ..

After all those years.. after countless days and nights of doa , for me to be able to forgive and forget and for the other side to forget forever...now i am proudly announce that i am officially heal. Yes!! i healed ...all the pain was gone.. i can forgive... and the most important thing is i can almost forget...sooner..soner... i will totally forget... i just realize that to forgive and forget is easy... the hardest part is to open my heart to do it.. to let go and stop dwelling to the past.it took me more than a decade before i can open my heart to let go..Alhamdulillah .. i never think this is possible... but yet its just happen.

why not me

There is a point in life when we will keep on asking why me?...why me? and why not other people.I have reached this point several times in my life of 36 years so far. First time when i was a kid.. life was so hard and i keep on asking myself ..why i was born to be me and not somebody else.many-many years later i changed the question to why not me? and i accept the fate by and by and try to manipulate it in a way that i can..and it make me stronger...
it was me because Allah only tested us when He know we can deal with it(somebody in my past use to say this).I was the chosen one.. all the test in life has bring me to be what i am now.I was choose to experience it myself so i would know how it feel... not just heard it happen to other people.
why lar i keep talking about this now.. thinking about my hubby will be leaving me for a training in US , with the 4 kids alone for 3 months actually scare me.. how i am suppose to live without him( with the kids around). Its not that the kids wont listen to me but they listen to their father more than to me.. its gonna be a really tough months for me .. and if i want to finish my msc by this year i need to prepare for the viva in May when he is away...
i was the choosen one cause i can handle it... ( need to repeat this to myself hundred times a day...huaaaaaa)