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Friday, March 28, 2008

Sail, Dont Drift

There are times in life when i feel that i just want to close my eyes and let everything happen by itself without doing anything. Just close my eyes and let the current drift me to wherever the river flow. Just let whatever happened happen. No energy to try to fix it.No desire to hope. No zest to live... hahaha...sounds like symptoms of depression?... I hope not.

But i know i can't. In life we cannot let ourselve drift. Else we will never reach the destination. Whether the energy level is low or high we must force ourselve to sail.

life comes fully pack with its own indicator. Have u ever notice that sometime u feel that the days seems brighter eventhough the weather is still the same. The grass is greener and the birds chip sounds clearer in your ears than usual? Well... its indicate that you are happy and appreciate life more.

A few snapshot of the blooming buds in my garden yesterday, when i feel the colors of the flowers are more vibrant than usual...:). For those people around me especially family and friends , who make me happy... a million of thanks for coloring my life.

Just now we spent our evening watching movie in HBO - Musics and lyrics... Yes...it's a romantic movie, not our usual choice as Deen normally favour action movie and for me myself it's either horror movie or heavy drama.I'm not a good movie reviewer so you guys better get the info from the official website at : Music and Lyrics . A dialougue between Sophie and her sister Rhonda , catch my ear, which to me is absolutely true.Sophie asked her sister, how can we know when somebody is truly deeply in love with us? Rhonda's answer is : You can know from the way he look at you, the way he touch you , and from everything he did for you..." hahahaha...That's logical, and that's could be the main reason i married Deen. Because i know that he is deeply and truly love me.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Love in a pomelo

I saw pomelo(limau bali/limau tambun), botanical name : citrus grandis/Citrus maxima Merr, this morning at the wet market.It reminds me back of the old memories when i was still studying.My husband studied in USM kampus cawangan Perak, which last time located at Tronoh, about 35 KM from ipoh.Since limau bali was first brought to Malaysia by sir hugh low in late 1800 and was first planted in Perak, you can find limau bali almost anywhere in Ipoh.He used to visit me in Penang on bi-weekly basis... hahaha...as his rotu training also on bi-weekly basis.Week without training was penang week.the routine then change to weekly on our final year as there's no more ROTU training for him.I cannot really remember , but he said i told him pomelo was one of my favorite fruit, well i still do now...so he bought it, everytime he visited me.Then, I became pomelo supplier for my friends... they would know that my room will never run out of pomelo. I still remember one day, i said to deen..alamak...limau lagi... yang dua minggu lepas pun ada lagi kering kat bilik aku... hahaha, but he still bring it until we both finish study in 1998.

One thing i really salute my husband is he is a man of action. He's the one to show me practically that action speaks louder than word.We save our saliva and dont have to convince other people with words when action execute the task better.He made me laugh during the most difficult time in my life.He lift my spirit up when i lied down flat and lifeless.He woke me up when i just hope that i can sleep and never wake up forever.

Me and my husband, we begin as a close friend for more than a year,dating for 2 years before shield it with the marriage in early 1999.I still remember how happy and excited he was when i agree to be his girlfriend. He said to me, the longest to be away from you should not be more than 2 weeks.I said : dont joke around, how can you say that when you are hundred of KMs away. But he did that, without fail, rain or shine for almost 2 years, leaving him broke, penniless and bankrupt every end of the semester...eventhough his scholarship had a slightly bigger amount than the rest of us and ROTU training also gave him quite a handsome figure....Well, however , i guess it's a well worth and well paid sacrifice...:). still remember, all those years , when he force me to say that i will love him forever.I always refused to say that..and the conversation always ended up with quarel, sometime for a few days.Then one day he ask me.. why i dont want to say that.."Because it's bullshit!..." i replied bluntly...He looked at me in disbelief.

"How can you say forever when you are not certain about what will happen next? not even tomorrow or a minute after i say this...?" i continued.

But now i realize that when we say forever ,it is not because we are so certain about what is going to happen, but it's more on what you hope to happen. It's all about hope and wish.Deen, if you ask now, without doubt i will say , I loved you then, I love you now and i will love you forever...

DEAREST HUBBY: Thanks for all the pomelos,and all love, care and tenderness embeded in it. But most of all thanks for loving me the way i am...I will always love you till end of time.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Mama is sorry , she was cross

When it comes to expectation, sometimes we tend forget that we are humans , with limitation.With a great expectation, lie a great responsibility.The same things happened to me last 2 days, when suddenly i became mad when my eldest , Alani show me her last exam paper.

"How could you get 66% for your pendidikan Islam ?" I yelled at her, without even glance at the paper she was holding for me, try to ask me to look through it.

"You know when i was your age, nothing start with 6, not even 7 or 8. Everything must start with 9, do you understand... 90 and above..." She just nodded.During dinner she was so quiet, so i asked her whether she's sleepy? then at one time i saw her shedding her tears.

"Are you crying?"

" no i am not..." she try to force herself to look at me straight in my eye.There's no doubt that she was crying.

somehow, yesterday, when i picked her up from the nursery, i saw her running eagerly towards me.

"Mama!!!... i got no 2 in school..." she shouted happily.

"Are you sure it's no 2 and not 22 ?" I asked sarcastically. But sarcasism never work on kids...:). Then she hold me her record book.It's lucky for her that only the 5 papers (UPSR papers) were counted for the ranking, making way for that pendidikan islam paper to be dropped from the list.

Looking at her face when she was crying made me feel guilty.For baba , this girl is so brilliant, but for me she is just so so... why i should put so great expectation on her, putting so much burden on her small and fragile shoulder. I should be more lean to her, let her do it her way. After all pressure will never works well on kids.Teachers at nursery and her friends mum keep on saying that she is so brilliant and smart, may be it's about time for me myself to look at her with the same perspective.compare to her other friends who attend tuition class after school, i should know by myself that she's doing very well without any tuition.

last nite, she ask me...mama why are you angry? are you angry because i got 66% or because i got no 2. I'm sorry that i cannot get no 1, i promise to beat joshua down next exam ...." She said, Joshua is the boy who never fail to be the best since standard 1.And my Alani, so far never success to push him down ...hahaha...that's our mission actually, so Joshua... here we come....watch out!!

so i said to her: No... no 2 is good enough,but no 1 will be the best. Yupp... i'm slightly upset with that 66% marks...but you can try harder later..." she grinned and continue to play happily with her sisters.

So my dearest Nur Iman Alani, Mama wants to say that she is sorry she was cross and she promise she will never do it again, as long as you are good...hahaha...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Visiting Mr Horton

So we declare that today is The kids movie day again. An earlier plan to go to either Kuala Sepetang or Alor Star has been postponed as everyone were in the hibernation mode in the morning.Last week, suddenly i missed my mums sambal goreng so much. It reminds me of the hardest and toughest days in my life where we eat to survive , not just to enjoy it like now.So this week my mums sambal goreng would be one of the menu for today's nasi lemak.It just happened that today deen set the Azan as a wakeup alarm, and as usual when we heard the azan, we normally felt guilty to prolong the sleep...so today i woke up on the dot, with the subuh azan.about 10, After a tummy filling mama's nasi lemak session, the kids become drowsy and go back to sleep again....hahaha...That's why we have to cancel the plan.

Before the movie....

"Do I blend well with the poster, mama?" Asked Ain Syazwani...

so...in then afternoon, we brought them to visit Mr Horton. A new released movie, Horton Hears a who. And i must admit that this story was funny , even Mama and baba enjoy it too.For me one thing special about this movie is it grab the thought that i think come across to most of our mind.When i was a kid, when i see a ant colony, i'll think, are we just another colony for a very-very big creature, the one that we cannot see because we are so tiny? even worse when i start to think something like, are we just a colony of bacteria, living in a stomach of a very-very big creature.... hahaha....for my personal rating if i am a kid... i'll give this movie 4out of 5.so guys... tag this movie as one of the special treat for your kids...

OOOhhhh... i hope this is not a scary movie...Prayed Ain Syazwani before the movie start...

Kakak and Icha paid their full attention

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Gurindam Jiwa

Well.. i'm actually not a fan of clasic song, but just now while searching for other song using limewire, i stumble with this song.This is ..emm.. may be the only clasic song that i really like. The lyric goes like this:

Gurindam Jiwa

( L )
Tuailah padi antara masak
Esok jangan layu-layuan
Intailah kami antara nampak
Esok jangan rindu-rinduan

( P )
Anak cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

( korus )
( L )
Batang selasih permainan budak
Daun sehelai dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih bertalak tidak
Seribu tahun kembali juga

( P )
Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
( L )
Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

( L & P )
Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
Carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
Nantikan saya di pintu syurga

And i've watch the movie, with the same title. The story was about a newly married couple, Dahlia and Dahlan.Dahlan then, did something to save the village , cannot really remember what,then he was given an honor as a knight to the sultan.Dahlan have to leave the village and Dahlia in order to serve the sultan.To cut the story short, Dahlan then forgot about the promise he had made to Dahlia and married the princess.Kind of sad ending story... but that's how life normally is...:)

I never knew about this song before my childhood sweetheart wrote one of the paragraph in one of his first letters to me when i was about 18...:). I just wonder, was that a song or just a poem,until one day i heard this song. I really fall in love with the lyric and manage to write the whole song when i reply his letter....But as Dahlan and Dahlia had a sad ending, so did us...hahaha... old story... hopefully my husband will still cool when he read this... won't you , abang?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Illusion of the heart

I'm writing this entrance using Deen's new DOPOD 838 PRO. Looks cool but i'm still exploring.Look's like this PDA is going to be fully utilised by it's co-owner...hahaha.

Last weekend i went back to my hometown for election.The first time since the past 9 years i went back without my other half or the kids.

the day after the election.It's just about 7.00 am,and it's very cold in the morning at my kampung.Yupp... you're rite.... x mandi lagi masa ni.... hahaha

Photo's taken at my hometown...Chabang Empat, where i grew up.Next to me is Chabang Empat market, where when i was small dad ran a small business there , a sundry shop. I used to lepak there after school, while waiting for dad to close his shop and went back together.

Help!!!!... Mak long's room has been invaded by bottle sucking creatures from Mars...Murni Maisarah (w/o shirt) and Maya Munirah , my nieces. And below is their brother , Mirza Mustakim

picture taken infront of istana Bukit Tanah, just behind my old school.want to know more about the castle click here

My youngest sister , Rosmy Nurhamny , better known as adik has become my best buddy now...:) the youngest and the eldest.Some people could mistakenly thought she's my daughter as our age gap is 18 years...if I married at 17 , then my child will be her age, infact there're few of her classmate are actually my old friends kid.

Illusion of the heart.

What is illusion? when i google out the definition of illusion , the results are:

~An illusion is a distortion of a sensory perception, revealing how the brain normally organizes and interprets sensory stimulation. While illusions distort reality, they are generally shared by most people

Hmm... too scientific to understand unless you're a psychiatric.

How about this one:
~Illusion is An erroneous perception of reality
sounds better and easier to digest, rite?...

What is the different between love and illusion of the heart? Sometimes heart can lies...mistakenly create a false impression, measuring an illusion for love.Is the love is too strong or you just manipulating your heart and create an illusion out of the mist of confusion? If love is so strong then it should never fail to cross the barrier and defy the obstacles.If it fails... perhaps it's just an illusion of your heart.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Walking down to the memory lane

L I F E can be interpreted in various ways .... but happiness is still up to willingness( redha) to accept the destiny ...either it's really good or really bad.

Last weekend we went down to KL on some small business reason... more on family matters. Sam, Deen's younger brother is having a training in Kelana Jaya . Since the last time we met him is almost a year ago we decided to meet him up here, and visit my litle brother , Wae who's now on his preparation course at INTEC college Shah Alam before pursue his study in US.

So last night, the 7 of us (including my 3 girls ) went out for a dinner at Taman Tasik Shah Alam, at the Floating restaurant : Restoran Tasik Indah, which was not there the last time i went to the place 13 years ago.The food ..hmmm... so so...quite ok..boleh la...and the price quite fair...we spent about 100++ for the 7 of us.The view? only water in the darkness.... hahaha...

Walking back here after so many years never fail to bring me back in time.I still recognize certain places,especially the one with MPSA building at the background.Hmm.. as i review it hundreds of time and it's just stuck in my mind until now.The ding of memories, cluttered in my heart is like a ding of the loudest bell in the midle of a lonely and restless night.The broken heart, shattered dream and unfullfill wish in a shape of sharp and shiny blade, will always able to cut the fragile heart into pieces.